


regrets, and what to do with them

by icemakestars



Series: ~✧An Ever-Fixed Mark✧~ [17]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/F, Face Slapping, Hurt No Comfort, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-13 21:12:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16899906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemakestars/pseuds/icemakestars
Summary: It was Erza's idea to break up. A year later, and she knows that it was a terrible one.





	regrets, and what to do with them

The clearing is open, and alight with sun, and yet Erza still feels claustrophobic, small, under the glare of the she demon. Mirajane is more intimidating than all the monsters that Erza had ever faced combined, but maybe that was because of their history together, because of how much Erza loved the other woman. But today, that alone wasn’t enough.

“Why did you lie to me, Erza?” 

Of course Erza had known that this was coming ever since Lucy began to ask questions about hers and Gray’s secret mission. She had planned to tell Mirajane, of course, but during the Avatar and then Alvarez attacks, the timing never seemed to be right, not when it would hurt Mirajane so much. Not when it was all Erza’s fault.

“I never lied to you, Mira.” Erza tried to make her tone soft, but it still sounded defensive to her ears. 

Mirajane’s face fell with hurt, and then hardened with anger. She took a shaking step forward and extended her hand. The impact on Erza’s cheek was swift, but painful. Even though the slap was bearable, tears still sprung to Erza’s eyes at the way that Mirajane was looking at her, with distrust and disdain. Even when they were fighting as children, Mirajane had never looked at her like that.

“You told me that you needed a break, that being with a member of the guild would be too much. If you could contact Gray why couldn’t you contact me, Erza? Or did I really mean that little to you a year ago?” 

Erza’s head snaps forward, and she grabs Mirajane’s cheeks, forcing their eyes to meet. The other woman does not fight her, but the way she tenses at Erza’s touch has the red head’s heart breaking anew. 

“Mirajane, don’t you dare do that. Don’t pretend like what we had wasn’t real. I loved you, Mira, I still do. But Gray is my oldest friend in the guild, and being with him was different to you. If I had seen you, everything would have come back, and it would have hurt.” 

The breeze ruffles their clothes and hair, and Mirajane uses Erza’s distraction as her fringe covers her face to swat away Erza’s hands, freeing herself.

“We all hurt, Erza! Every single member of the guild was hurt. But I would rather have all three of the Barram Alliance threatening our guild at once than be without you for another day. Do you understand, Erza? Can you possibly comprehend just how much I love you?” 

Her sobs break up her words, and Erza knows this, has seen this before when Laxus has gotten too much, or someone had picked a fight with Elfman over the death of their sister. Mirajane got emotional when she was overwhelmed, especially with anger, and the way she shook, ricocheting her emotions back into herself, was proof enough that Erza had crossed a line, and she did not know how to get back over it.

She wished that she could go back, stop herself from leaving Mirajane on the street and running from continent to continent, too afraid to face the reality of her emotions, of the torment that she had faced. At yet she could not; all she could do now was try and reconcile with the other woman, make amends for the mistakes of her past. Erza was used to sin, and blaming herself for such, but the way Mirajane’s face flushed as she cried earnest, bitter tears... Erza thinks that that might be her greatest sin of all.

“Mirajane...” She tries, but the other woman bats her away, rubbing her eyes roughly. Erza’s cheek begins to sting, but not as much as Mirajane’s reactions to her do.

“No, Erza. You decided that I wasn’t good enough for you, and we can’t just pick up where we left off, like you wanted. I need time to process, to think, and if you’re serious about us then you’ll wait for me.” Mirajane turns, but before she walks away she offers Erza one last, scathing glance.

“Like I’ve been waiting for you for an entire year.” 

She walks away, quickly and confidently, and Erza watches her go, dumbfounded. This was her mistake, and she would rectify it, because nothing meant more to her than seeing Mirajane smile. It just took a year without it to realise that fact, and maybe that was the greatest irony of all. Or the greatets tragedy. 

Erza falls to her knees, silently, and doubles over, her body convulsing in grief. Once again, she had lost someone else because of her actions, because of her inability to let people in, and nothing proved more to her that she was not the famed fairy queen that people boasted her to be; that she was, in fact, still a scared child, looking for a place, or a person, to call her home. 


End file.
